Skip to main content

Fuck Imperfections : Journey to Self Love #SelfLoveSeries

 I've decided to make the month of June all about self-care and self-love and to start if off, let me share with you my personal journey with trying to love myself. This is a bit lengthy so just a heads up. But if you can read until the end, let me know. Thanks again for being here, dear reader.

I've heard it all. 
"You could be a blogger. Just not a fashion blogger because you're not skinny enough."
"Maybe if you were just more quiet, guys would like you."
"You're such a mess."
"You cheeks are too big."
"Your nose spread out too much when you laugh."
"You're charming. In a funny way."
"You only look good in pictures."
"Magaling ka kasing umanggulo" (You reaaalllyy know your angles.)

I never felt that I was different until people made me realize that being the chubby friend, the "noisy" friend, the too-clingy friend was wrong. I never thought that expressing myself freely would bring so much hate that it caused me my peace of mind. I never thought that my body would be a prison of hate and judgement. I never thought that I'd be hating myself when years ago, I had the persistence of a bull and the confidence of a motherfucking boss ass bitch. I've never felt more cowardice than when I'm putting on make up, more weak than when I'm speaking up, more egotistical than when I'm loving my body.

So I silenced the opinions in my head.
I stopped writing my thoughts thinking that I'm annoying everyone.
I tiptoed on what I post on my blog when it comes to outfits.
I shied away from attending events, birthdays...

I stopped loving myself because I hated my body.

This mindset had taken its toll on my health and personal life. I've been dieting and exercising only whenever I feel like my body looks big. I've been trying to eat less to fit into a certain size... almost everything in my life revolved around looking a certain way.

It exhausted the shit out of me but I kept going because I thought that pressure would morph me into the beautiful skinny, fair-skinned standard of the media. I ate less, slept more. Fed my brain with ways I could have spent my time instead of eating. I thought I was taking care of my body by starving it evil calories and sugar.

And instead of making me feel good about myself, it made me feel worse.

I would dread at how slow my diet is giving me results so I'd amp up my fasting and sleep more. I'd  look at different threads on the internet such as the Pro-Ana movement and #thinspiration. I wouldn't want to go to public restrooms because I wouldn't want to look at, see myself in the mirror in public for fear or feeling uncomfortable the whole day I'm out. I just hated myself so much.

The truth is, I don't even know why I wanted June to be all about self-care and self-love. I'm not even close to loving myself. Right now I think, maybe it's because I know deep inside that this journey towards looking for ways to be happy with one's (my) self and sharing it with you, dear readers, will help me. It gives me peace to know that you're here to really read what I have to say. And I promise you, you won't regret it. I'm so ready to be okay with the skin I'm in: media standards and all. I am done taking revenge on this body that has taken so much bullshit from my head and what I've been doing to it. I want to take care of myself. I want to love myself because I deserve it.

This month, I will be sharing little ways to give in little kicks of confidence and self love. The tips are somewhat personal but don't worry. I bet you'll still get a tip or two from this series. Everyone deserves a little bit of help and a lot of self-love.  I'm quite excited (but of course, very nervous) about this series. Do spread the word. Not about the blog, but about what you'll learn with me throughout the month.

Ending this post with a quote I read somewhere. See you next week. I can't wait to share with you what I have in store.




Labels

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Feel Good List : 10 Things You Can Do For You #SelfLoveSeries

Hello and welcome back! Coming at you straight away with 10 little things you can do to give in little kicks of self-care and self-love. Some are quite personal but you can try them out and share with me your thoughts about it. This might not be for everyone but I'm still excited for the ones who can relate. Let's get started! 1 . Watch a movie alone. Like, literally alone. No social media posts, no telling a bunch of people that you're going to watch a movie alone, now whatever. It makes the experience private and special. 2.  Listen to Ted Talks. You're learning + getting inspiration. It's a win-win situation. 3 . Listen to a podcast that talks about things you genuinely care about. Currently, I'm listening to The Minimalists podcast by Ryan Nicodemus and Joshua Fields Millburn. 4 . When you're travelling home from work and have the chance to see the sky as you walk to your bus stop or any terminal or anytime you have the chance to lo...
6 comments
Next >>

Tatak C3: Blogging Workshop for Aspiring Bloggers by Cebu Content Creators

There is more to this day than just this workshop and I promise I'll tell you all about it but for now, I give you a glimpse of what it's like to attend a workshop organized by Cebu Content Creators on a Saturday afternoon.  The workshop, by the way, is called Blogging for First-Timers   and it was hash tagged as #BFFWorkshop . It was held at Handuraw, Mango last July 29, 2017 . When I found out about the workshop, truth be told, I was hesitant to register. I had a bad experience with a blogging workshop last June. It was a total scam. I won't say any detail about the last workshop I attended because I don't want them to have any kind of traffic/views/searches. Good thing I didn't let my fear of being scammed again stop me and registered for this one though. I wouldn't have known all the things that they shared and taught us. 06.2017. #TatakC3 A post shared by Cebu Content Creators (@cebucontentcreators) on May 30, 2017 at 9:20pm PDT ...
2 comments
Next >>

In A World of Mindless Monsters

It's not like I need another online outlet to blabber about my issues, right? And just like any other millennial, I too have a blog I have forgotten since I stopped having free time and "life" started to happen.  But now that life really is starting to happen, I revert back to this blank page. To this blinking dash on my screen waiting for me to write the next word that pops into my mind. I guess, that apart from my ego, this blinking dash is the only thing that is waiting for me to write again. Ah, writing. What a fun anecdote. I think of writing in the form of success. Books after book written into being a New York Times Bestseller *crowd goes wild!* or a story that goes viral because of witty writing. But right now, writing is this. An outlet for a 20-something, hardly making it millennial that doesn't have much to say except, life's a fucking bitch. Because in a world of mindless monsters, including myself, I still find the world to be so mind-boggling that ca...
Post a Comment
Next >>