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In A World of Mindless Monsters

It's not like I need another online outlet to blabber about my issues, right? And just like any other millennial, I too have a blog I have forgotten since I stopped having free time and "life" started to happen.  But now that life really is starting to happen, I revert back to this blank page. To this blinking dash on my screen waiting for me to write the next word that pops into my mind. I guess, that apart from my ego, this blinking dash is the only thing that is waiting for me to write again. Ah, writing. What a fun anecdote. I think of writing in the form of success. Books after book written into being a New York Times Bestseller *crowd goes wild!* or a story that goes viral because of witty writing. But right now, writing is this. An outlet for a 20-something, hardly making it millennial that doesn't have much to say except, life's a fucking bitch. Because in a world of mindless monsters, including myself, I still find the world to be so mind-boggling that ca...
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Recent posts

Well, I'm alive aren't I?

I am alive and well and am ready to take on the world. Well, at least my world. Exercising makes me happy. Okay that's enough mind barf. thanks till next time!
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I'm alive and well!

  Okay, so it has been a while... And this might just be another shot at "reviving" my writing practice but here I am, writing for this blog again. The familiar times new roman font from the drafting page and the icons surrounding it feel like home somehow. Here's what I can see rn: Life lately has been weirdly calm then busting at the seams the next. I've been cooking a lot which makes me happy. I have painted a bit as well. Oh, and we moved. Lots of happenings happened since I last wrote here. I would like to think that I also experienced growth. I believe I have grown, and I'm grateful for that. What actually led me to write again, especially here, is for the same reason I craved my coffee every morning: I needed something to ground me. And although journalling on paper did help a lot, there's something with writing to this blog that no one really comes to anymore, that makes it seem final. Like hitting that orange button that says publish releases the thou...
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Resistance

Ahh, here it goes again. I'm once again not wanting to do anything. I mean, I want to do stuff but not the ones I have to. I think I should just start now instead of later. So I can get it over with. I am now just realizing how I don't like this.
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What now?

Hello. How are you? It's been so long. Writing as if I'm speaking to someone feels natural, and crazy. I know no one would probably read this but me, but I want to publish it. As if hitting that orange button with the word "Publish" on it is somehow going to change the way I'm feeling right now. I am lost. Very, very lost. My mind wants to be in this stable, no-fuss, high-paying career choice but my heart still is longing for the freelance stuff I talked about 2-3 years ago. Remember? The "working as a barista during the day and creating for clients at night" typa stuff? The longing is still here and I can't shake it off any longer. Now, my heart hurts whenever I see an Etsy seller in her home studio. My stomach churns whenever I get a glimpse of the life of the many many self-made entrepreneurs that I watch on YouTube. My heart is in pain because even though I try to stop myself from thinking it, my brain sputters out the words ...
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Procrasti-late

I have so much freaking stuff to do, but here I am, writing my thoughts out into the world. Why??? Because I want to. I've been such a give it to me right now  person lately that every time I feel like doing something else other than my own responsibilities, I bail. I bail and I eat yogurt and watch YouTube. Monday was such a good day for me. I started work really early and I even stopped working before it got late. I had a good Monday... now it's Friday and I don't know how to feel... my Monday Vibe completely was ran over the fact that I'm a master procrastinator. And a lazy-ass who overindulges in the mini things that are soo soooooo good for me, but bad for my work ethic that procrastination brings. I hate this feeling. It's such a vicious, vicious cycle. Okay, that's enough self-loathing. One blogpost breakdown is good. Time to get back up and start working again! hahahaah i know, i confuse my self too. Thanks for reading!
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Saving Grace

I don't write anymore. Not like the way I did before. It was such an amazing thing for me, about 2-3 years ago. I was pouring out my heart, soul and sometimes, my fried brain to a minuscule glitch in the interwebs that is this blog. I loved it, I thought I could make a living out of it like the bloggers that I grew up reading about and aspiring to become. But pretty pictures took over and I felt the pressure to become skinny, pretty and frizz-free to attain the standard of a blogger-becoming-artista. I want to leave the blog and accept that blogging is dead. But I realized that blogging might be dead, but writing isn't. And it never will be. So here I am, claiming this blog once again and making this the home that it once was for my thoughts, arty blurbs and creative zaps. For me, it didn't matter who read my content. It didn't matter that it didn't make sense to others. And I realized, that I've grown to not give a fuck about what others think. ...
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